Tense? Nervous? Headache?

TAPE 091 170290

Do I feel guilty about Chris?! What kind of silly question is that? No! I don’t feel responsible for my children’s happiness, if that’s what you mean. You make your own luck in this life, I say. It’s all been pretty cushty for Christopher, if you ask me. Never really had to work hard his whole life, and pretty much does what he pleases when he pleases. It’s up to him what he makes of it all. If bad things happen, you can either sit around and mope about it or you can buck up and bloody well get on with it.

When I’ve had setbacks or felt a bit sorry for myself, I’ve never just given up. I’ve pushed on. Found something else to do.

So no dark nights of the soul for you then Peter…

Well, we all had our moments during the war. But since then, well… I suppose 66/67 was a bad time what with Helen and everything.

Tell me about that.

Not really kicking on in America was the real blow. I was reduced to silly TV shows and squabbling with the likes of Warhol over image rights. That was a low. But even then, I kept busy. When Battle of the Ardennes was cancelled I wasn’t too proud to take on few TV adverts.

My Anacin advert was a massive hit, I might tell you. And it wasn’t as if it was a stretch. Those things never are, even though you know I like to make a fuss about it. All had to do was switch from being a stressed businessman to a relaxed family man dozing in my favourite armchair dosed up with Anacin - all done in 60 seconds.

I told John Lennon when I met him that I’d been on the same show as him and he didn’t believe me. My Anacin ad was on the Ed Sullivan Show, same episode as The Beatles. Millions watching! You know what Lennon said to me? ‘So we were both on drugs that night then”.  Cheeky bugger.

Have you ever thought of giving up  – or slowing down at least?

Can’t see the point. Like a shark you just have to keep moving, don’t you? And I had to keep the shekels rolling in. I did all those Eye-Tie shockers purely for the cash, as if you didn’t know. Paid for both kids education that did - and meant Chris could be in Europe for the summers, which I know he enjoyed. Helen likes to think I didn’t do a good job there, but she was in the same boat. When we worked on ‘Mary Magdalene’ she wasn’t exactly minding the kiddies. And before that, thanks to the Dundee kerfuffle she could hardly brag that she’d been looking after them any better than I would have done.

I know those two kids can sometimes be a rather sorry pair. They used to egg each other on in that department when they were small. But what can one do if one’s children are glass half empty types, eh? They certainly didn‘t get it from me.

He’s always off in search of God knows what, never sitting still. And Isabella, well, she’s just the gloomy type. Goes with being a writer. I know whenever I’m scribbling away at my diaries I can find myself feeling a bit low. Has something to do with letting all the thoughts and feelings out onto the page I suppose.  Every time I read one of her books I wonder where she gets her ideas from and why she comes across as so angry and sad. And then I realise she’s just like anyone else – she imagines it all, makes it all up and decides which bits will make a good story for her audience. Just like we all do.

God knows we tried with Chris, though, didn’t we? You and me. I still think he could’ve been a great actor if he’d bothered to put his shoulder to the wheel.  Imagine the fun we could've had together. You could've got us all kinds of father and son roles. I wouldn’t need to do these cretinous cereal and cigar ads you keep signing me up for!

At the end of the day he does alright with his tiresome rock music. He sent me his latest record, by the way. But he sent it on something called a compact disk – a CD? - little round shiny thing. Do you know anything about them? Why he can’t send me a good old fashioned long player, I will never know. Not that I want to listen to it. Can’t imagine it’ll be anything other than a bloody awful racket.